Thursday, 14 June 2012

Whipped Cream Bikinis and STDs...

A few days ago marked the birthday of the love of my life. We have a special kind of relationship, one that consists of me sending him sexy photos (and sometimes videos, if he's lucky) when he's horny, and the occasional skype sex session when I can talk him into it...He's a tits guy, so it's hard to keep coming up with new and inventive ways to take photos of my breasts! Seeing as it was his birthday, I thought it might be cute to send him a whipped cream bikini pic to change it up a bit. And it seemed more fitting - nothing says happy birthday like lots of cream! Boy, I did not realise how hard it would be...don't underestimate a whipped cream bikini!! Ali Larter made it look much easier than it is in Varsity Blues! I'm not really sure whether it's because my boobs are too big and sloped so the cream didn't have a proper anchor, or if it's because the cream melts against warm skin, but no sooner had I sprayed it on and placed my raspberries than the right side made a landslide down my chest and onto the floor, followed closely by the left.  I didn't even get a chance to grab my camera. I decided to move into the bathroom and carry on this operation over the safety of a sink before I left greasy cream stains all over the carpets in our apartment. After a few more attempts which ended the same way, I thought I'd try use some exfoliant over my nipples hoping the grains would get the cream to stick a little longer. That didn't work. Eventually I managed to spray on a semi decent nipple cover, pop in the raspberries while awkwardly bending back to prevent gravity, and quickly grab my camera for a few speedy shots before the bikini made its way down my boobs and my belly into the sink. When the can no longer seemed to have anything left to give, I gave up. This shot is about as good as it got. And then I enjoyed rubbing it all over my boobs and making a mess - which I captured too, of course. Birthday Boy was happy though...and then begged for more without the cream. I gave in, but only because it was his birthday...

In other news, I got a bit of a nasty surprise last night when I saw an article about an high profile man being treated for a rather serious STD. A man that I may have just shagged a few weeks ago. Without a condom. Shit. What's worse is that I may have even given him the STD as I had a bit of a slip up a week or so before that incident, and hadn't quite been feeling right since. I'm really hoping that: 1. I didn't give it to him and 2. I didn't get it FROM him! So it's off to the clinic for me in the morning. Keeping fingers crossed that it's just a vicious rumour and not true...Think I've learnt my lesson now, but I go weak when it comes to him. Sigh...Oh well, nothing a bout of antibiotics can't fix, I guess!

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Breaking the Dry Spell: Sex with the Neighbour

So, I've taken the day off...why? Because I was having sex last night till the early hours of the morning, that's why. After a whole 4 weeks without a man's touch (granted it was a very delicious man's touch), I was hungry for some sexy interaction. And who better than my one-night stand neighbour to do it with...We shall call him 'W'. It had been 6 months since our first drunken/stoned night together, and a good 5 months since we'd bumped into each other in the street, so I really didn't know what to expect. I remembered W being rather good in bed, but I also remember that something had put me off enough to swat him away from me the next morning when he was trying to spoon... I didn't make much effort for him - pulled on my go-to maxi dress, spritzed my slightly dirty hair with dry shampoo, downed a glass of white wine and said goodnight to the married couple, who looked at me disapprovingly when I said I was going to have sex with the neighbour. They're just jealous because I have an exciting sex life that they can now only dream of...

I took the 20 odd steps to W's place feeling a bit nervous and not sure whether I'd even still find him attractive. As soon as he answered the door, though, that worry was put to rest. He was hot! And tall! And tanned! His shoulders looked a lot broader than I remembered (which I summed up later must be from all the rugby he's been playing), and he was wearing sexy torn jeans that flashed his golden skin at me. His hair was scruffy and all I could think about was how I wanted to yank it hard and passionately. His muscular arms were distracting me, and while he was chatting away I was trying to remember how big his penis was. We drank white wine and swapped some stories of the past few months. Mainly he just told entertaining stories about his friends' drunken mishaps and I just laughed charmingly while trying to figure out why the hell I hadn't seen W again sooner. He also had 2 joints rolled for us, and popped on 'The Departed', one of my favourite films. We ended up chatting a good couple of hours over wine, weed and smoothies, and then slowly started cosying up to each other. Eventually we started getting hot and heavy on the couch, and I was reminded of what a great kisser he is. That's always my deciding point about whether I'm going to sleep with someone or not - if he's a bad kisser I just can't bring myself to go any further. I'm big on kissing.

We moved to his bedroom and he put another movie on to play in the background. His body turned me on so much; those muscles, the tanned soft skin, washboard stomach. I made my way down to his member and almost sighed in relief when I felt a hard, decent sized cock in there. Thank god. He was very attentive, but a quiet lover - which isn't neccessarily a bad thing, it's better than 'J' the footballer who wouldn't shut up. It just means he was really feeling everything and enjoying the moment, which I like. I almost orgasmed before we even had sex which is very rare for me without my trusty vibrator. He definitely had a way. The sex was great, a bit tender and not quite as hard as I like it, but still great. Afterwards, we shared another joint and cuddled while watching 'Stepbrothers', which made us laugh. It was really nice. W asked if I was hungry, and then jumped out of bed and into the kitchen, only to come back a few minutes later with pita bread warm out the oven and hummus dips - I almost fell in love. It was past 4am when we finally switched off the tv and settled into each others arms to pass out. Naturally, I couldn't sleep as is always the case when I'm sharing a bed with a man. His sheet had bobbles on it that tickled my bare legs in an annoying way, and he kept jerking in his sleep which was a bit annoying. I almost snuck out and went home to sleep in my own bed, but thought it might be rude and I didn't want to screw it up again after being a bitch the first morning-after...I might have dozed a bit, but when his alarm went off at 9am it really didn't feel like I'd slept at all. I managed to sneak into the bathroom and swirl some toothpaste in my mouth while he went to move his car. Then I jumped back into bed and pretended to sleep. W came to snuggle me when he got back and then slowly got me in the mood for morning sex. It was just as amazing, if not more, than the night before - so sensual. He wanted to cuddle again after, and we kissed a bit, but then I said I had to go. He tried to hang on to me a bit more, and then gave up and walked me to the door, naked (that body!). W said 'I'll see you very soon' and I just smiled and kissed him goodbye, then skipped all the way back to my place in a great mood. I have a good feeling about this...even though I've been going on about how I'm not ready to give up my singledom after a year and a half, I definitely feel like he has potential. For what, I'm not certain, but there's something there for sure. No idea why I didn't get that same feeling the first time, but I'm guessing I just wasn't ready at the time. And possibly disgusted with myself for sleeping with W on the first date, which I then reflected back onto him...Either way, I hope it doesn't take us another 6 months until we see each other again!

In case you're wondering, I've already checked our star sign compatibility and apparently we make a great pair...